on process and space and peaks and valleys

Hello June.
My Dad's birthday was on May 31st. Would have been. That morning I woke up really early and couldn't sleep. Like i'm talking 4:30am.Marbles came and lay down next to my pillow. We were facing each other -her head close to mine. She was purring and I felt comforted. It's like she was saying "I'm breathing and you're breathing and it's ok. We can listen to the birds together and just be here."

I started thinking of lyrics for a song i've been trying to write on guitar, about my Dad and the aftermath of his passing. Once i get in the water with that topic then I end up thinking about my estrangement from my mother. And then my writing goes to hell. Or more like, I feel frustrated and then don’t want to work on it. I want to be done with this song and i'm focusing on like 2 lines over and over. I used to not care about making sense in songs. Or clarity. I would make up words. (I still do.) Or just string images on an emotional clothesline and not really know what it was about till years later. Let it flow out and not judge it so much. I will say doing musical songs and comedy songs has helped me grow in my songwriting. I can take the pressure off myself a little bit if it's a character i'm writing for....I mean there are still my personal truth nuggets (there HAS to be for me to work on it) but sometimes it feels easier to put together than guitar songs. I expect more from myself these days and that could lead me to kill the song from overworking it. I don't want to kill it! Am gonna let it rest and 'll play what I got at the show. To siphon off some of this AAAAHH energy. This "wanting to process something difficult to talk about" energy. I may have to let the song go. But I will at least perform it once or twice before it floats away.

SPACE PIVOT
Well I was going to slide gracefully away from this topic and be classy. But it was a bummer and why not address the valleys of a "peaks and valleys" artistic life? Thanks Michelle Bacon for reminding me of that phrase.
I didn't get the studio residency I applied for. I was so excited thinking about having more space to work in. A dance studio and a music studio that I wouldn't need to pay for. I woulda used the crap out of those spaces. But what are you gonna do. I’ll carry on like a new york rat squeezing into the spaces I can find.
Like my apartment!
Move the cat bowls, set up my amp, drag out the mirror. It's time for APARTMENT DANCING.
Nothing stops art but your own mind.
You do it small till you can do it bigger.

JOBS
I want time off. To rest first, then to create.I don't want to have to worry about the money i'm losing by not working my day job. It's a good day job- but still. It's tiring to work every day, who knew? One day NOT working really will set me back. I am back to how I lived in NYC 20 years ago- on not much. The rates for temp work have not increased in 20 years. In case you were wondering. I am paid weekly and all my money last Friday went to my car payment and internet bill and then groceries. Perhaps I shouldn't have donated $10 to a theater or bought a drink at the comedy place or spent quite so much on groceries? But I did. I don't regret those choices. Or what I spend money on. But I still need to be better about spending LESS. I just had a flash memory of how I used to buy mini travel shampoo and conditioner and toothpaste in nyc cause it was cheaper than the full bottles and tubes. That was smart. Thank you younger self.

"You should try to get money from your art" so says everyone. Yes good idea. And it's good when you can get it. And I do get paid a little for shows in music venues. Or alternative spaces.But I can't count on it. I had a good run with Schwervon! when we moved to the midwest in trying to live off touring and album sales for a while.....but it was only for about half of each year.... and it was stressful. And we also had the lucky break of VERY low cost living with Matt's Dad in Kansas at the time.
i'm fine.
I'm not fine.
I'm fine.
I mean, who is FINE?
What is FINE?

DELIGHTFUL THINGS
The skate songs keep coming. Thank god. My script might be burning in the oven but the songs are getting out there! I’ve worked out FOURTEEN of them in finished and less finished form with the brilliant Chase Horseman! I debuted the song "Skate Moms" at the Mommy Issues Show last month at the Bird Comedy Theater.
Rita Hanch played Courtney Love's Mother LINDA
Meghan Lavota played Nancy Kerrigan's mother BRENDA
Annie Lemmon played Oksana Baiul's Dead Mother Ghost MG
I played Tonya harding's Mother LAVONA
It was satisfying and joyful working with these women- they all asked questions and dove into it and wanted to help build the characters. They are now part of my ever-expanding crew of SEQUINS BEFORE NOON.
Some pics by the talented Michael Stoufer

PODCAST
Last weekend I was on Michael and Jillian Guthrie’s comedy podcast KC REVIVAL!
I brought back one of my pandemic characters- Larry the Plumber. It was a hoot. Turns out Larry also runs a “cult” of plumbers. Was fun to riff with Cody and get to know Michael and Jillian a little more.

Also I am part of a house team at The Bird Comedy Theater called EXPLOSIVE GROUP CHAT. It is coached by the hilarious and extremely talented Trish Berrong. Now if you’ve heard me blab about improv then you know that I don’t always like playing with a huge group of people. Like one or two or maybe four tops. Because I love the stage and I always want more time on it! BUT GUESS WHAT. This group surprises and delights me- they are so good and smart and drop dead funny and I think our group aesthetic and personalities allow for a lot of grounded scenes as well as RIDICULOUS ones. I am having a ball. Next show June 15th @ 9:30 pm at The Bird!

MUSIC SHOWS COMING UP
And I’m back in the saddle with my SUMMER GIG SCHEDULE. I gotta get a new song choreographed by my August trip to NYC (AUGUST 12th @ superfine in brooklyn!)

But in the MEANTIME KANSAS CITY YOU ARE MINE. MARK YOUR CALENDARS!

Thursday, JUNE 6th @ Manor Records
SONGBIRD SESSIONS! LINK TO SHOW INFO HERE
5540 Troost AveKCMO 64110, 6-8pm, $5
I will play 2 sets with an intermission.
First set is guitar and one nite stand classics and 2nd set is skate songs.
Joining my crew for this show is dance superstar Anna Hughlett! Also the wonderful Tracy Flowers and Breaka Dawn.
There are records at Manor Records! And good vibes. And I’ll have tee shirts.

Friday, JULY 19th @ Velo Garage
1403 Swift StreetNorth Kansas City, MO 64116
Doors at 7pm, show at 8pm, $5
8pm Rude Cousin
9pm Nan + the One Nite Stands

on process and space and peaks and valleys

shoulder wings and mothers and sadbags

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